Humble

:having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance:

Nothing like a little humility to set me straight.

After my last post I started the research journey of lent. Which seriously means I read Facebook posts and blogs. God speaks through people, so those are total accountable resources! Right? Real stories! I opened my bible too….online….on my computer screen, for truth. I pulled sources together, cross referenced things, listened to God.

I heard this over everything:

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6:16-18

I’m pretty sure this was God covering my mouth and telling me nicely to shut up. I had to take a step back and ask myself, “Mandy, who are you fasting for? What is your purpose in this? It’s not even a real fast, what are you doing? Who’s applause do you want?”

Then I felt conviction. I felt humility. I felt a little dirty.

In came grace. Right on time. Real grace. I said He would catch me. He sat me down, rubbed my head and said, “Oh child of mine, you have so much to learn. Great enthusiasm though, keep it up!” Then I woke up humbled, renewed.

I started this thing to learn, learn I have and learning I am and will continue to do so. But I will do so quietly. I won’t complain to co workers or mention it at home. I will just do it with obedience and with silence. Of course after this blog entry I will start. I was convicted again on even writing about this, but after prayer and reflection and listening to God I believe I am to share it. To walk with Christ is to give glory in all we do to God. I just learned something HUGE and was caught beautifully by His grace.

I open myself to wisdom, ask for it and seek it. With wisdom comes humility.

I am humbled.

So strange to say and an even odder concept….I am honored to have been embarrassed by my words because the wisdom that came from my humility has humbled me and has made me in awe of my creator. God is so beautiful and so full.

And this is the purpose of a fast that I have come to realize….to have a spiritual awakening. To reflect. To curl up on God’s lap and say “God, I need you right now, more than ever. Catch me. Teach me. I love you. You fill me. You are not of this word. Thank you.” and to do so quietly. Intimacy with Yahweh.

More truth could be revealed and it will humble me more and I will be grateful.

Advertisements

Lady Wisdom or Lady Folly

I am addicted to sugar. It’s better than booze and drugs, but lets relate and not compare here. So, I am throwing in the towel, taking the plunge, going off the deep end and am going to deal with this the only way I know how.

Enter in glittery Jesus with snazzy background music!

Who’s the guy who takes away the sins of the world? ….Jesus

Who’s the guy who catches me when I fall?…..Jesus

Yeah!…and guess who is going to bail me out of this mess!?……same Jesus

It’s time for lent. What a coincidence! Wait…..this Christian doesn’t believe in coincidences, but believes that God is a master at bringing the universe together for his children babies and that includes ME! So lent is sort of a weird thing to me. I’ll be honest. I feel like people do it to just do it and feel all spiritually without knowing why or how they are doing what they are doing. So usually I don’t participate for that reason. I don’t even know where lent started or why. I just know its the 40 days pre cross. It’s not even biblical. I also know that God reveals wisdom when we seek with our hearts, so maybe this year that knowledge will be revealed. And maybe not. I have been google searching though, today, just a little.

So drum roll please……..cymbal crash!  CRASH

This year I am going to do this. I am going to sort of fast for Jesus. Why? Because I do all things for the glory of God. The bible tells me to do that. (1 Corinthians 10ish look it up, it’s good) So I will jump on this lent bandwagon and throw sugar off the back end. I will do this in the name of Jesus because he is my savior and he is who rescues me when I make messes.

I keep thinking of Paul, also in 1 Corinthians….I’m in Corinth today, my thoughts just keep jumping to this book. Which, my friends, is NOT coincidence. THAT is the nudge of God. So I am fearfully going to listen to that nudge and surrender my love of sugar and also read 1 Corinthians again tonight while researching lent.

OK, 1 Corinthians 9…at the very end Paul talks about beating his flesh. I am going to hugely paraphrase, my apologies to the bible scholars in advance, but I will quote it too just so it’s there,

Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

So here he isn’t speaking of actually hitting himself, but of self discipline. Or maybe he was a cutter. Maybe when he spoke about the thorn in his flesh he was LITERALLY speaking of a thorn. Mystery solved! I’m spreading rumors, sorry Paul. We all have faults and thorns. I’m not judging! Anyways. We must stay disciplined. We must stay sharp. We must deny ourselves desires of our flesh and wants of this world. If I give into my flesh, engorge on what I want and give into temptation, then who am I worshiping? My God or myself? I will choose God. I will deny myself. Physically speaking I will do this with sugar. I will keep myself sharp and keep this temple of my soul healthy. Breaking my flesh to strengthen my soul.

As I was reading “The Best Yes” today by Lisa Terkeurst I was “coincidently” reading a chapter with the same theme. Proverbs 9. It compares 2 women, wisdom and folly. It is so so good. So good I will paste these goodies too!

Wisdom has built her house;
    she has set up[a] its seven pillars.
She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
    she has also set her table.
She has sent out her servants, and she calls
    from the highest point of the city,
    “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
    “Come, eat my food
    and drink the wine I have mixed.
Leave your simple ways and you will live;
    walk in the way of insight.”

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults;
    whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you;
    rebuke the wise and they will love you.
Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still;
    teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
    and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
11 For through wisdom[b] your days will be many,
    and years will be added to your life.
12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
    if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

13 Folly is an unruly woman;
    she is simple and knows nothing.
14 She sits at the door of her house,
    on a seat at the highest point of the city,
15 calling out to those who pass by,
    who go straight on their way,
16     “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
17     “Stolen water is sweet;
    food eaten in secret is delicious!”
18 But little do they know that the dead are there,
    that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead.

So we have 2 women. Both call out “Let all who are simple come to my house.” They are in the same location and asking the same things. The difference is Wisdom has prepped, practiced and self disciplined herself. She is ready. There are no short cuts there. She is living. She is fruitful. I love this. I am Lady Wisdom, not perfect, never said or will say that, but teachable. I am prepping my body, heart and mind for eternity. I am kicking the sugar to the curb in the name of Jesus. Squishing my wants for His will.

It was sugar or social media. Ha…I can’t get out of bed without social media. Real talk. I choose the easy way out really. After all, I am not Jesus.

Spirit Spit

I couldn’t contain my excitement. I was up at 5:30.The only pink shirt I own was about to be all up on this bod! I’m a themed dresser and I hate pink, but it was women’s conference day, day 2! Walking Confidently. I was fired up and in pink.

We were completely loved on and poured into the night before by the spirit. I imagined this was roughly 1/10th of the energy Peter felt as he huddled in a room with the other disciples and some believers as the Holy Spirit entered into them via God’s fire spit. God spirit spit melted into their skin, instantly penetrating their veins and filling their hearts. It was good. God spits fire, he really does. It’s in the word….you can’t deny it.

 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them. Acts 2:3-4

Now, I didn’t see any actual fire tongues, but I could feel my heart heat up and beat faster. It was totally a Book of Acts moment. It was good and I was ready for more.

My oldest had other plans. I woke him up Saturday with praises. He has many gifts and talents, but winning is NOT one of those! He makes running look hard. Like seriously, you see this kid run and you will never want to run again because it just looks like pain. He was at a birthday party the night before and played laser tag. He came in last place, but was so excited that when he reminisced the story, I had just assumed he did well. It wasn’t until the morning, when I found the score card that I realized he was in last place. My heart melted. God doesn’t make us winners baby, but he surely gave us the gift of good sportsmanship!

Then…

“Eli can you turn down the ipod (Chris Tomlin music of course) please, people are still sleeping…..Eli more please, I can still here it on the other side of the house.”

“Fine!” He screamed as he turned it off and slammed it on the table. This ipod is hanging onto life. It’s barely there….literally barely there, half of the screen is already chipped off and somehow it still works. Like, you can’t be slamming and dropping this thing. It probably works because Chris Tomlin possessed the dang thing to play just HIS MUSIC! AHHH, he haunts me!

Well this was, of course, not ok and resulted in the ipod being taken. Moans. Then,  there was no milk because I forgot to get some. Moans. So Starbucks brownie for breakfast day! Calories don’t count during Women’s Conference day so game on! Cheers! I ordered chocolate milk and not hot chocolate. Moan. The tears. The tears. I was just making Eli’s life hell apparently. I finally broke and yelled….hard. More tears…and Tomlin singing about waterfalls and streams of mercy. It was just too much. Just way to much water, AND IT WAS WOMENS CONFERENCE DAY!!! I should be the one with the waterworks on while having some spiritual, fire tongue, spirit spit, God revelation moment darn it! Oh the irony.

Against all odds, he somehow remained in my car and I threw my hands up and laughed, eventually. I said, “Boy! You can’t rain on my parade. If you don’t want to eat that’s cool. If you don’t want your chocolate milk that’s cool too! More sugar for me because today calories don’t count!” We marched into that conference messy. We still showed up and we showed up ugg–aaa–lleee. He looked like a meth addict all red faced, eyes swollen and 4 scabs on his face from who knows what, boyhood perhaps? We were a sight! The baby just woke up and was in pajamas still and me…well I was angry and exhausted, already. I ran to my friends and asked what was wrong with my child!? They laughed and said absolutely nothing.

I was reminded. God doesn’t call us to become perfect people. He doesn’t call perfect people. There aren’t even any of those! He calls the messy. He calls the meth addicts and the meth addict look a likes. He calls the moms who fall apart and yell. He draws close those who throw up their hands in defeat. He grabs those hands and pulls them out of the water and guides their feet to walk on it! We struggle so He can shine. If we didn’t have trouble, God couldn’t show up. There is no miracle to take place if nothing is in need of some miracle making. He doesn’t remove us from adversity. He shows up in it. So then when we move and live and love in those terrible, ugly life moments people see a God at work in us. We praise him in the rain and the waterfalls of tears and He shows up and wipes them away. He never promises us a life of ease, but He promises us comfort and peace. Jesus says:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” John 16:33

So take heart my friends. Seek his comfort and it will be given. Show up messy and he will love on you. I walked out of that conference with confidence in my chaos. I am a mess, a beautiful mess, and that is ok. In my imperfect reflection  I can see His perfection because He shines through my cracks and brings light to the world. I just have to sing His glory loud and proud, give credit to where it is due. It’s not me that does the good stuff, it is Him in me. I am the one who yells, He is the one who redeems it. He showed me comfort through love from His people, my friends, who laughed and said “girl me too, you are not alone!”  And that my friends, is a truth that I can walk confidently in.

Fruits of the Spirit + Courage

A co-worker gave me a calendar last Christmas from Hawaii as a gift. It has hung in my cubicle all year, most of the time on months past. I took it down to toss it, it was still hanging on the month of October. I flipped through the pictures and thought, this is pretty and I don’t want to throw it away. I saved it from garbage death. After all, scouts are thrifty! (#scoutlife)

Courage. It has been a word that keeps reoccurring lately. On Monday, I either read or heard that the root word of courage is ceur, or heart. Then I went to the dictionary and read the official definition: “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.” Put those ideas together, they make a baby:

Courage is telling my story whole heartedly.

I doodled this definition and hung it on my cubicle wall. I grabbed the calendar and tore out a pretty picture of the beach. I cut out COURAGE and hung it by my little doodle. My friend Marlo swung by and complimented my word. She said, “I need one that says PATIENCE!” So I made one. I didn’t stop there. I cutout LOVE and JOY.

courage

Then I thought to myself, or God spoke to me. I like the latter idea better, He speaks in thoughts and this was totally not my idea anyways. I have to give Him the credit and the glory on this…He said “fruits of the spirit.” Then I thought, “gosh God…genius!!!”

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23

So I cut and cut and cut all week. It was my little project that I would turn to in between the phone calls and the emails and the boring work stuff. It became a beautiful release.

Yesterday while leaving the house, I snapped at my son. He peed on the toilet and was lying about it. Both pet peeves. When I got to work I looked at my phone and saw a text message, “stop slamming doors please.” This did NOT go over well in my head. I don’t even remember slamming doors, for the record. I wrote back multiple times without hitting SEND, thankfully! I spewed bad words to my husband and to a coworker and 2 dear friends. I wear my life on my sleeve, I can’t keep my emotions hidden. I turned to people I knew would tell me to let it go, and that it wasn’t even a big deal, and that I was only upset because of the real underlying issues, and that I shouldn’t take it out via text and blah blah blah. I have the best of friends and husband!

I started distracting myself to keep me away from my phone. I worked. I put some tunes in my ears. The thoughts kept coming and over powering every effort I was throwing out to get them to hush. Then I had a break in the work flow and turned to my last word. The last fruit of the spirit. SELF-CONTROL. And I laughed out loud, not just lolled…..way to go God! I see what You did there! Very clever. My anger suddenly stopped. Ha go figure! God is cool.

fruits

These words became a ministry. Marlo asked for patience and it was given. Self control drilled me in the face. It was a co workers birthday and I gave her FABULOUS and she gave me a smile.

Then an interesting co worker came by. He was in the army and has a bit of a short temper. He reminds me of the high school quarter back who peaked senior year and is now stuck in a job with a bitter attitude. But I like him, nice guy..sometimes. He complimented me on the words and hinted that I make him one. I choose BE STRONG. As in army strong…because ya know he’s an army guy. He just paid me another visit after noticing the period I cut out and placed at the end. Since his was a sentence and not a word it needed a period. I choose this small little tree hanging on by its roots. It is white knuckle rooting the side of this hill. Strong little thing. He likes the tree. He also mentioned that he once lived in Hawaii, which is the location of the photo words. Connection.

God is smiling on us and in us. He is softening hearts. I reorganized my cube today and put my words in a place that all can see as they pass by. I just found the same calendar in a coworkers cube on the verge of garbage death and I saved it. God has 11 new lives to touch with words.

The words will come. They always do with time.

Have a God-willed week friends. Will, not fill. That isn’t a typo.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:33-34

 Fruits explained:

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galatians 5:13-26

The Weekend of Beauty From Ashes

I am a thrift store $1 picture frame hoarder. I repaint them and frame everything. One of the frames fell and broke, no heartbreak there because it was only $2. My son picked it up, he is 8, and said “Don’t worry mom! I got this. I will make beauty from the ashes!” This was on Friday. It set our theme for the weekend.

…Then came Sunday. I feel like I get stuck in those stupid revolving doors sometimes. I just keep circling. Just as I am about to step outside, that stupid door spins too fast and throws me back inside. Seriously.

I know I NEED to love. I know I NEED to throw away my resentments once they poke their little heads up and say “Yo! I’m here again!” But so often I just keep spinning…in the stupid glass revolving door. I can see the light, but I get stuck in my darkness which turns to shame when I see my son carry on my same behaviors. Monkey see, monkey do.

We often have karaoke parties at the house. Not our doing, not my house. Karaoke tunes are thrown against the walls and reverberate their squeals of pain, which creep under the cracks of all of the closed doors. There is no running away, especially when it is dark outside. (Trust me, I tried and running in the dark didn’t end well.) This is not a favorite past time. I would love karaoke if I could escape it or if it were an option. Usually these unwelcomed parties leave Eli and I locked in my room with some version of Harry Potter on the tele with volume cranked to 30. It is my small attempt to make the unwelcomed circumstance better. Because after all, we can’t control our circumstances, only our attitudes towards them…biting and cringing on my own words here. I’m such a hypocrite haha! Then I scan the rentals and apartments in the area and get depressed because to live in California, in our town, you have to have handfuls of cash falling from your pockets. I then realize I am stuck, and I sink into my dark spot where I lose my words and become a robot. and I HATE IT! I’m such a freaking baby. Pity parties are my specialty. And for the record I would never move out without my husband in tow, I would miss him terribly and be lost. It’s just a fantasy I play out in my head.

Well let me tell you…NOT MORE! NO MORE! I won’t sit there, in the dark anymore! That devil sneaks his way into my mind, and now I am saying no. This new found inspiration came from the 8 year old.

This time, the vice president of the pity party council said “NOT ANYMORE!!!!” Eli went upstairs, grabbed his guitar and my husbands laptop. He plugged in his amp, blasted some of his favorite Jesus tunes and sang, danced and strummed his little heart out. I emerged, pissy faced, from my pity palace and saw Eli wide eyed, crazy smiling and laughing and singing alone. I felt bad because he was alone, so I became the 1 woman audience. He said, “Mom! Guess what! I can play as loud as I want to because they can’t hear me over their own music! How cool is that!? Beauty from the ashes!” and I thought to myself “that stupid phrase I always say when he finds himself in an ugly situation, he is now using on my ugly situation for the second time this weekend. What a wonderful world it is!”

Then I walked into crazy loud karaoke room and saw my husband finishing up the sewing project Eli and I started this weekend, that I was too burnt out on to finish. In all the craziness, he was sewing. Yes, sewing. HA! I know…totally crazy!

So I smiled and went back to Eli and praised God for using Eli to pull me out of that stupid glass door. Then, I laughed at how small and insignificant my problems are in the shadow of the cross. My ego surrendered and retreated. Actually she was more crushed with humility.  And I was free from myself.

The only thing powerful enough to squish down my resentment is love. In memory of the beautiful MLK, he says “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”

Love wins.Heart Redemption is here.

Today I will choose to love hard instead of holding that resentment.

The cool thing about those circle glass doors, is that they are glass. You can see through them and to the other side. This is hope. It is setting my expectation, that I will get out. I can see it. All I have to do is make the move and step into love. The sunshine of love.

Abhorrent

 1. causing intense displeasure, disgust, or resentment

Sometimes I’m like Peter. I run out of the boat full of enthusiasm, feeling like I have a real grip on the world. Walking hand in hand with my creator…..and then I panic. Sometimes it is fear. Sometimes it is my pride. Sometimes it is me stepping away for a moment, losing my focus.

The waves of the world drown me. I can’t see. My eyes become flooded with tears of the grief filled waves.

I can’t hear anything beyond the white caps of discouraging words crashing over my head.

I can’t breathe. I gasp the air that comes along with mouthfuls of salty ocean water that is suffocating, my words that cause pain.

Why can’t I speak, yell, write, even find the right words? If I could just open my eyes! If I could just listen!

I panic and wave my arms frantically. I know He will grab me. I know He will lift me up. I can’t be my own savior.

He is my feet. He is my arms. He is my tongue. He gives me life.

I read through Psalm 73 today. Today after what has been a series of days building on top of each other. Each day the weight gets harder to carry. My backpack of “crap” gets heavier and heavier.

I feel sick. I feel gross. I feel like a dog that just rolled in wet mud. I’m trying to shake it off, but shaking it off doesn’t get me clean. The mud will dry and stick. It will mat up my fur. I need a bath. I need this stuff away.

Me=dog             Mud=money, possessions, materialistic things (shutters ughh eww)

This Psalm is so beautiful. Give me Jesus. You can have the rest. I will build my life on Him and not on the things of this world. Love will win.

Surely God is good to Israel,
    to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
    I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant
    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

They have no struggles;
    their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
They are free from common human burdens;
    they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
    they clothe themselves with violence.
From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
    their evil imaginations have no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice;
    with arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
    and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
    and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
    Does the Most High know anything?”

12 This is what the wicked are like—
    always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
    and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
    and every morning brings new punishments.

15 If I had spoken out like that,
    I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
    it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
    then I understood their final destiny.

18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
    you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
    completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
    when you arise, Lord,
    you will despise them as fantasies.

21 When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
    you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds.

Just the 2 of us

To continue…

Eli’s teacher sent him home with a copy of a thank you letter he wrote the Napa Rotary Club. It was a thank you letter for dictionaries that they donated to the classroom. Heavy. He wrote:

“Thank you for the dictionaries. I always wondered why do bad things happen to good people? It is funny how so many birthdays and death days happen October-December. Have you seen Harry Potter movies? I have 1-3, parts of 4-6 and all of 7. Have you lost a parent at a young age? I have, my dad. Have you lived somewhere else and moved? I lived in Michigan and moved 3 years ago right before first grade. I am going to Michigan December 17. Have you been to Michigan? When I grow up I am going to be a pilot. Thank you.”

Ouch. My heart. As I read this I learned (wouldn’t be the first time) that my little boy is becoming a person. A REAL person, with feelings and opinions and struggles and AHHHH. Not that I didn’t know he was real before…I did. But you have a baby and they are almost like an accessory for a long time. They are glued to your side. You feed them, love them and drag them everywhere with you just like your favorite pair of earrings, except you can’t take them off and put them in a box. Then all of a sudden they obtain a voice and gather up some opinions. They grow up.

Gosh I sound like an empty nester and my oldest is really only 8!

So reading this letter made me realize the baggage my boy carries. He has a heavy load. It’s been a year. He is wise and he is naïve. Above all he is so beautiful and so inspiring. God uses him so much in my life. It’s a beautiful thing.

I decided after this letter and after the latest breakdown (my last post) that we needed to go out, just us 2 and have some fun. We needed a break and some play time. I took him ice skating and we     had      a      BLAST! We followed our “hang out session” as he called it with some hot chocolate and some deep conversation. We agreed that it now felt weird and empty being just us 2, but that it was a nice break from the world. We missed little Max. Max has now become our favorite accessory, one that we won’t take off…except during our hang out sessions. But we won’t put him in the earrings box of course! We have awesome friends that love my babies just as much as we do.

dateAfter our hang out I had some reflection time as he plopped on my bed for his Harry Potter night cap. I realized how important my relationship is with each of my children. God has put me here to be their guide; to share my experiences and my wisdom with them. Most importantly to love them, show them grace and mercy just as He shows me daily. We have ugly. We have messy. That is ok. Through it all we need to take time out hang outs and love. This boy needs mom time just as much as I need alone with God time. Time is more valuable than money, more important than food and more precious than newborn babies. We have limited time here to spread the love of God. Mumford and Sons sings it best- “Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”

So forget me and my weekend plans, I will invest my limited time to get the biggest return.