Abhorrent

 1. causing intense displeasure, disgust, or resentment

Sometimes I’m like Peter. I run out of the boat full of enthusiasm, feeling like I have a real grip on the world. Walking hand in hand with my creator…..and then I panic. Sometimes it is fear. Sometimes it is my pride. Sometimes it is me stepping away for a moment, losing my focus.

The waves of the world drown me. I can’t see. My eyes become flooded with tears of the grief filled waves.

I can’t hear anything beyond the white caps of discouraging words crashing over my head.

I can’t breathe. I gasp the air that comes along with mouthfuls of salty ocean water that is suffocating, my words that cause pain.

Why can’t I speak, yell, write, even find the right words? If I could just open my eyes! If I could just listen!

I panic and wave my arms frantically. I know He will grab me. I know He will lift me up. I can’t be my own savior.

He is my feet. He is my arms. He is my tongue. He gives me life.

I read through Psalm 73 today. Today after what has been a series of days building on top of each other. Each day the weight gets harder to carry. My backpack of “crap” gets heavier and heavier.

I feel sick. I feel gross. I feel like a dog that just rolled in wet mud. I’m trying to shake it off, but shaking it off doesn’t get me clean. The mud will dry and stick. It will mat up my fur. I need a bath. I need this stuff away.

Me=dog             Mud=money, possessions, materialistic things (shutters ughh eww)

This Psalm is so beautiful. Give me Jesus. You can have the rest. I will build my life on Him and not on the things of this world. Love will win.

Surely God is good to Israel,
    to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
    I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant
    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

They have no struggles;
    their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
They are free from common human burdens;
    they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
    they clothe themselves with violence.
From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
    their evil imaginations have no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice;
    with arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
    and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
    and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
    Does the Most High know anything?”

12 This is what the wicked are like—
    always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
    and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
    and every morning brings new punishments.

15 If I had spoken out like that,
    I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
    it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
    then I understood their final destiny.

18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
    you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
    completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
    when you arise, Lord,
    you will despise them as fantasies.

21 When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
    you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds.

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