Eli’s teacher sent him home with a copy of a thank you letter he wrote the Napa Rotary Club. It was a thank you letter for dictionaries that they donated to the classroom. Heavy. He wrote:
“Thank you for the dictionaries. I always wondered why do bad things happen to good people? It is funny how so many birthdays and death days happen October-December. Have you seen Harry Potter movies? I have 1-3, parts of 4-6 and all of 7. Have you lost a parent at a young age? I have, my dad. Have you lived somewhere else and moved? I lived in Michigan and moved 3 years ago right before first grade. I am going to Michigan December 17. Have you been to Michigan? When I grow up I am going to be a pilot. Thank you.”
Ouch. My heart. As I read this I learned (wouldn’t be the first time) that my little boy is becoming a person. A REAL person, with feelings and opinions and struggles and AHHHH. Not that I didn’t know he was real before…I did. But you have a baby and they are almost like an accessory for a long time. They are glued to your side. You feed them, love them and drag them everywhere with you just like your favorite pair of earrings, except you can’t take them off and put them in a box. Then all of a sudden they obtain a voice and gather up some opinions. They grow up.
Gosh I sound like an empty nester and my oldest is really only 8!
So reading this letter made me realize the baggage my boy carries. He has a heavy load. It’s been a year. He is wise and he is naïve. Above all he is so beautiful and so inspiring. God uses him so much in my life. It’s a beautiful thing.
I decided after this letter and after the latest breakdown (my last post) that we needed to go out, just us 2 and have some fun. We needed a break and some play time. I took him ice skating and we had a BLAST! We followed our “hang out session” as he called it with some hot chocolate and some deep conversation. We agreed that it now felt weird and empty being just us 2, but that it was a nice break from the world. We missed little Max. Max has now become our favorite accessory, one that we won’t take off…except during our hang out sessions. But we won’t put him in the earrings box of course! We have awesome friends that love my babies just as much as we do.
After our hang out I had some reflection time as he plopped on my bed for his Harry Potter night cap. I realized how important my relationship is with each of my children. God has put me here to be their guide; to share my experiences and my wisdom with them. Most importantly to love them, show them grace and mercy just as He shows me daily. We have ugly. We have messy. That is ok. Through it all we need to take time out hang outs and love. This boy needs mom time just as much as I need alone with God time. Time is more valuable than money, more important than food and more precious than newborn babies. We have limited time here to spread the love of God. Mumford and Sons sings it best- “Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”
So forget me and my weekend plans, I will invest my limited time to get the biggest return.