I see you.
…and you all scare the shit out of me.
You write with grace, with love. Some write with fear and anger. Passion.
Then there’s me. All I can think of in the cliché “deer in the headlights.”
I just stepped out of the comfort of my boat onto those pesky stormy seas. Why can the waters never be calm? Why can’t they be still, like the smooth glass waters of the river at 5am when your dad wakes you up before dawn to go fishing because it is the best time!? I know why Peter sank. I know why my dad took me fishing at 5am to catch nothing.
I’m sinking. I’m sinking in a world of words. My seas are your stories. They are beautiful stories full of life-beauty and pain all wrapped into one big monstrous tsunami wave. And I am sinking in them.
The irony…in writing this I can see my light. In using my words I can feel the pull of God grabbing my hand and pulling me up. His hand is my life raft. And now we are floating. I’m not walking in faith…yet. I am floating and His fingers are my saving grace.
My grammar is terrible. Your stories are lame. You don’t make sense. People will see you. People will hear you. Maybe nobody will. You are not good enough. Your widgets are lame. Your page is boring to look at. There is nothing else to click on. You don’t have a website all about you. hahahahaha!
I laugh. Life isn’t about me anyways. My fears are worthless.